Are You Disappointed with Your Child's Performance on His Team or Club?
This is a very personal issue for me right now. I've been struggling with disappointment with my daughter's performance on her gymnastics team since I took her to the Gasparilla Classic gymnastics meet in Florida. While there, my daughter didn't seem to have her heart in it and blew some skills she should have nailed. I put it off to being overwhelmed by the size of it all.
This past weekend, she participated in the State Meet. Again, her performance wasn't up to what it should have been. I felt terrible and her coach was definitely disappointed. She rocked the bars -- her favorite event, did fairly well on vault -- something she struggles with, then did mediocre on beam and floor.
I watched other girls on her team score well and place in several events and all around while she only placed on bars. I try not to compare, but she has far more potential than she showed this week and it was really hard to watch. Not too long ago her coach almost moved her up a level mid-season because she was doing so well, but now the coach is thinking she might keep her at the current level for another year.
As a parent, it's difficult to watch your child let opportunities slip by. We all want to see our kids succeed. It's important that we are careful how we define success for our children. Winning isn't the only way, sometimes it's in the process.
But when a child deliberately slacks off and you know she could be doing better, what do you do? The answer depends, at least partly, on why she's slacking off. Learn how to handle your disappointment and help your child succeed.
Comments
Great article that all parents should read! I think another reason kids “slack off” is a fear of success. You said that her coach was thinking of moving her up a level. Maybe your daughter is afraid that she will find it too difficult so she’s self-sabotaging.
Ah, you’re right! I will have to address “fear of success” as well — both in my article and with my daughter. Thanks for the comment, Christy.
You don’t really say if your daughter is also having trouble at practice, or if it was during the meets over the past week. If it is just competition, keep in mind that different people react to the pressure of a competition in different ways, especially if she is new to this. After messing up her third event she may have gotten upset and just stopped trying (since most gymnasts can’t help but focus on that “all-around” score). Or she may have been more nervous after doing so well on her first two events, that she lost a little focus. It takes a lot of meets and sometimes a lot of mistakes for some gymnasts to learn how to perform consistently in competition. My daughter (level 9) would be the first to admit that this has been true in her case.
You may want to have a discussion with your daughter about how she really feels about gymnastics, but I wouldn’t do it right away so she doesn’t tie it to her recent performances (since that’s only one measure of her interest and drive). Give it a little time, continue to watch her at practice, and you’ll soon know if it’s a conversation you need to have. She’ll tell you in one way or another.
A very nice article with a lot of good reminders for all of us parents! I too find myself disappointed when one of my children doesn’t live up to his/her potential, but I’m learning better to celebrate each and every success, no matter how small. They learn and grow from every experience.
Thanks, Kimberly. I’ll take all the advice I can get — and I appreciate the perspective of a more experienced gymnast as well.